To the people of my region, sorry for that sleet yesterday. I was in a bad mood. I promise I'll get you some sunshine by no later than April. Someone was asking why the bass disappears near the end of Preteen Queen. That's the sound of you coming between me and my preteen queen. And the harmony disappears by the second verse. That's the sound of you coming between me and my preteen queen. By the songs end, you've blocked out the music altogether. Way to go. William Burroughs had a theory that Europeans are a mutant race. The Ice Age, which hit Europe the hardest, could have been caused by radioactive fallout from a huge meteor collision. Mutants always want to take over everything - like a cancer cell. These people minding their own business look out to the harbour one day and see an approaching boatload of Europeans who have sailed thousands of miles to destroy and enslave. I mean India was enough for the Indians. And America was enough for its native people. And Africa was enough for the Africans. But Europe wasn't enough for the Europeans. We're lucky most of their bloody wars have been against each other for the last thousand years or so.
More Statements	Scripts	Songs
© 2012. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Soylent but Deadly I watched the sci-fi classic Soylent Green for the first time the other day. It's about the not-too-distant future. In about ten years time, New York City will become horribly crowded. You won't be able to set foot outside without accidentally stepping on a homeless person. Homeless people will cover the sidewalks and stairwells. But if you can manage to climb over them into an apartment, you'll have the whole place to yourself. Beautiful chicks will lounge around, smoking dope and playing video games, while everyone else is killing each other over a crust of bread. I could have told the writers that one. And the reason why we'll get so overpopulated is because we're not making enough food products out of people. Soylent Green is not enough. It should have a sauce. And what about dessert? We need to start stepping up production on these kinds of food products today or we're in trouble.
More Scripts	Songs	Statements
© 2012. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

You know what might be a better name for the local team? The Vancouver Killer Orcas. It's more localized and it sounds scarier. Orcas are already killer whales so killer orcas are even tougher. They use live penguins as projectiles in their water sports. Plus they're big. And it's incorrect English to say killer orca, like it is to say maple leafs. Just a thought. (Nothing against Canucks.)
More Statements	Scripts	Songs
© 2012. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

One side effect of being socially isolated is a greatly reduced ability for appropriate behaviour. I'm sure glad nothing like that has happened to me. Do you remember your first pubic hair? I remember mine. I was in the bathtub. There it was, poking out of my bare scrotum like a lunar flagpole. I was so proud. Did you get yours in your scrotum? It's funny that hair would grow there first because it ends up a lot barer than the rest of its region.
More Statements	Scripts	Songs
© 2012. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.